Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Of Francis Bacon

There are surely enough words in this plane to describe everything to utmost clarity. There must be! I just haven't found them yet. Devouring books seems absolutely wonderful but of course I have conditions. All my life, I've preferred fiction but I'm not sure it's getting me where I want to be. Francis Bacon had a hell of a lot to say about studies. Oh, the books to be devoured, the books to be tasted and those to be swallowed. But I think I've done a little too much devouring of the wrong things and have tasted a little too less of the right things. It's all so frustrating, this business of trying to grab at all this information. Who does Bacon think he is? Why should I listen to a man with such a comical surname? Should I put myself off as too simple of a person who is satisfied with admiring studies or am I on the verge of genius? Who is to say that maybe the socially acceptable standard of studies has changed. But the time spent wondering about such foolish things doesn't really help me much. So I prefer to look at the bright side of things like this. Rather than harboring hatred for a man who silently mocks me from between the letters on a paper, I chose to make silly jokes about Bacon and accept that he was only human. I have no doubt that if a man like him lived in this age, he would take it upon himself to make sure everyone knew exactly what was on his mind. Definitely a very annoying Facebook friend. But hey, who knows?
At the end of the day, I can sit back satisfied knowing that Francis Bacon wasn't amazing for every waking moment of his existence. Looking past all that's been taught in our classrooms, I now know that he was just like the rest of us. Foolish and struggling to live a good life. His death was somewhat absurd as well. While driving on a snowy day in London, he became inspired by the idea of using snow as a meat preservative. He purchased a chicken and while trying to stuff it, contracted a fatal case of pneumonia. It would have been more amusing if it was a pig though. I kid.
I've learned not to be intimidated by someone else's spotlight because we'll end up finding our place on center stage soon enough. 

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

When I Grow Up...

Imagine a small child in elementary school, with a bag filled with notebooks, crayons and bits of paper. They've just been asked to write about something very interesting. Almost every child has been asked this question and almost everyone has asked it. "What do you want to be when you grow up?" 
Oh, the endless possibilities. I wanted to be a librarian, teacher, artist, author, illustrator, veterinarian, gymnast, dancer, singer, actress or maybe a pianist. The list would go on for miles if I continued so let's stop at that. 
But I didn't want to talk about the past, I'd rather talk about the present. As you get older, people stop asking you what you want be when you grow up but instead what you want be, period. Well, you're all grown up aren't you?

No. I'm not. I may have grown tall and look old enough to make my own decisions. My birth certificate may shout to the world that I'm a major but I still have a lot of growing up to do. I still haven't found something to cling onto and hope for the best. I don't have a perfectly planned out future and I don't have my eyes set on something. 
I'm waiting for the day that I can stand straight and claim to be a perfectly capable young woman who knows what she wants to do in this world.
 Until then..

When I grow up, I want to be strong, independent, mature, capable, responsible, fearless, understanding, intelligent, successful, happy, witty and free. I want to grow into a better version of me.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Sophomore: College

I'm no longer a freshman. Tomorrow begins my life as a sophomore in college. Things are going to be just as screwed up or just as nice. 
I saw a movie: Drushyam, today and it was alright-ish. Now I'm watching Kung Fu Panda on the tele and trying to continue reading "The Scorch Trials" by James Dashner. Tomorrow will bring forth an interesting turn of events, because I've finally been reshuffled to IT-F1 from F2. I no longer have to be associated with "the worst section" in college. Thank God!

I'm prepared in no way for what will happen tomorrow. I don't have a single notebook or even a portion of my outfit picked out. I'll just wing it. Who cares? Bleh.
I hate having to get dressed up all nice and put on a show for other people at college. I don't care about the people around me and much less what they think about me. I have no one to impress, just need to improve myself first. The thought of having to get up and pick out something to wear sounds so exhausting. I think I've become too accustomed to my uniform. I'd rather just wear that everyday than go through this torture. Damn it, if I could, i'd just wear PJs and a top knot, all day, every day.
"Long hair, don't care" Pshhh, more like, "Mulan style's the way to go".

Anyway, I need to get some shut eye to stay awake in class so I shall be going now.

For future reference about how I feel before my first day of sophomore year:

I don't even care, I just want it to end. I just want to get all this information in my head and not deal with all the bullshit and drama around me. So much to do, so little time. I'm not screwing it all up again. I'm going to work my butt off. I don't care if they call me a nerd, I don't care if they call me a bookworm. I'll just repeat the advice my seventh grade social teacher gave me. 
"The people you call nerd/geek will end up being your boss" (or something like that)

Tick tock, tick tock. Time's started running and I'm not too far behind. I'll catch up with the rest of them and they won't see me coming. ;)
I've got a lot to do, here I come!