Friday, July 29, 2016

On My Mind

Tuck that strand behind my ear. Oh no, pull it back out. Cover the cheekbones. Turn this way, the left is your good side. Smile. Oh! But not with your teeth. Never with the teeth.

"Why do you smile? It's not like you have a nice smile. You have a bad smile. you should stop."

Sit straight. Don't slump. Oh, keep your backbone straight. Tuck that fly away hair. Don't crinkle your eyes, it's strange. Oh no, you laughed too hard. Sit perfectly still and cringe. Glance at your phone. That was so funny! Oh no, you're laughing with your teeth. Close your mouth! 
Sit straighter, this dress pulls tightly at the tummy!

"Oh. You got fat again. You should lose weight."
Oh nobody cares. Just be yourself. But not too much! That was really funny. You made eye contact and smiled. That was so weird. They probably don't even know you heard them. Turn around!
Oh the teacher wants you to read something out for the class. Oh no. Try to dilute the accent. Don't be too loud. Speak slowly! Ok you're done. Sit down quickly and put your head down.

"American girl. You have such a weird accent. What are you even saying? How long did you live there again?"

There's so much to do. So much to learn. These people are all so talented. They're amazing. What does that mean? What would an interview be like? Oh! Write that down. You should look it up later. What will you do with your life? Oh dear.

"Oh, you are so lucky! Your future is clear. You have it so easy."

STOP. I got a little sidetracked towards the end there so I'll stop here. I want to talk to you guys about a couple of things.

1. You don't know everything there is to know about everyone. We see what we see. Before you pass judgement, try to think about it for a couple more seconds. I don't care if that if the person got fatter or slimmer. I don't care if the bauble on their flats doesn't go with their outfit. I don't care if they wore bright colors. I don't care if they wore a eskimo suit when it's sweltering.
YOU DON'T KNOW. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES. Why do we notice so many irrelevant details? What does it matter if they wore yellow jeans? They can wear the frickin' rainbow if they want to.

2. Also, words are powerful tools. Don't use your words to hurt people. You can either do good or bad in this life. Choose your way. I promise you, making that person smile will make you feel so much better than knowing you're the reason their smile disappeared.

3. The grass is always greener on the other side isn't it?
When you see someone and think, 'Damn! Their life is perfect', I can tell you that 99% of the time, it isn't so. Everyone has a different puzzle. To someone outside the game, it looks so easy but you're not the player! Stop being so caught up in other people's lives and solve your own puzzle.
That girl has porcelain skin and that guy has the best scores. That girl can solve almost any problem and he has a rich vocabulary.
There's probably someone out there thinking about you like this.


The house of mirrors.
You don't have to go to the circus to see the house of mirrors.
The faces in this place seem to change without any fault of the mirrors.

I bring my face close and take a deep breath. These eyes always look different.
Sometimes it's nice to look into them. Other times, I'd rather look away.
But in this house of mirrors, there's no escaping from yourself.

Even as I sit here, I cannot escape my reflection. What do I see?
I see a tired girl with watery eyes and enough on her mind to write deep into the night. Music fuels her fingers. Thoughts jump onto the screen.
She's sneaking glances as if to make sure that she's still there.

These mirrors always say something new.

Oh, how foolish was I?
These mirrors haven't done anything at all. They've always been there. The mind is playing tricks on us.
On reflection, I see that this reflection is simply a reflection of my mind.

If I broke all the mirrors, would my mind be at rest?