Summer Rain

Today, after a couple of months, I went for a walk on the terrace. I spent about 40 minutes up there. For the last ten minutes, it was raining. Each raindrop felt like a person prodding me up and pushing me forward. Each drop felt like the moment you burn yourself but the pain hasn't gotten to you yet. A million flame-like prods that almost feel like fire.

A long time ago, I would have felt the urge to cry there, standing underneath these rain clouds. Right now, I'm a million miles away from that girl. I DO feel like I've been knocked down and I DO want to cry. But I won't.
I know that I'll get back up and I'll fight harder for myself. These little downer moments are scattered across my life like the raindrops on my skin. It seems like they're engulfing me. But only a few seconds back home and I realize they've already evaporated. Disappeared with no trace. I'm dry and safe.

Do you know where I'm sitting right now?
Well, the time is 10:56. Not exactly midnight rambling schedule of the past since we all become adults at some point. But I think an hour off is alright.

I'm sitting on a piece of sofa that is stranded on one end of the living room. It's put up against the windows by the main entrance. From where I'm sitting, on the left I can see the edges of the pooja mandir. The light casts shadows across the floor and on the walls. To my right, I see my water bottle, filled enough to keep me going in this summer heat. The windows are curtain-bare and I assume somewhere out there, there's a person sleeping on their terrace.
In front of me, the floor-length curtains sway from the fan breeze. It makes the room seem large and gives off the vibe of an old thriller movie; if I focus my eyes on only the ceiling portion.

An hour ago, I had this urge in my chest. That all too familiar urge where I need to get something out. I feel like a tiny pebble is stuck inside and my throat is closing up. ( Takes a sip of water because I'm taking my words too literally).
When I feel like that, I put my headphones on and listen to music while strolling on the terrace. For a long time now, I haven't gone for a walk like that. It's because I haven't felt that sad and also because I swallow that pebble and move on. I had a little trouble moving on today.
It felt like a moment where I had to grab my laptop and sit on the kitchen counter to write about my woes. I've settled for the sofa (would this piece be called a settee?).

 It is very hot in here.

-- I turned the fan off because I thought I heard Mom getting up. I'd rather not her see me sitting in the dark and typing away on the keyboard. It's not that I'm doing anything wrong. I just don't think she would understand why I do this. --

So back to the rain. I stood there today, being bombarded by these tiny water-bullets and I somehow felt happy. The rain didn't make me want to cry. It made me want to get back up and work harder. It made me want to strengthen my resolve. I can do this. I WILL do this.

A Working Woman?!

Wooh. You read that right!
I started work in the last week of October (the 23rd, to be exact). I am officially a working woman. Well, kind of.
I'm  still in my training period. I'll be done with it by the end of December. Technically, I'll be actually be doing 'office work' from next year. But I'm not caught up in the technicalities because I got my first salary already!
YES! I got my first salary on November 29th. Also, yes. This IS my sneaky (not really) way of documenting these events because I will most definitely forget exactly when they happened.

My neck is hurting. It's probably because of the angle I sit in class all day and because I was riding the scootie (this thing wants me to correct it to 'scooter' but I prefer using scootie) for a long duration yesterday.

It's been almost 5 months since I've blogged so this is strange for me. I've forgotten how to pour myself onto paper. My thoughts are as scattered as always, but there's something strange about typing out what I'm thinking on here. But not all too strange.
It's familiar and comforting, yet, new and excitingly strange.
And, YES, I am listening to soothing music while I'm typing this. 'Naked' by James Arthur is playing.
Isn't it weird how there are some words that make you just a little uncomfortable? Like, 'naked'. Why does that feel so weird? 'Bare' doesn't have the same effect, though they're close synonyms. I wish some words and things weren't so sexualized that you feel strange using them because it feels inappropriate.

Do you know what bothers me? That the views on this blog were 40 last month. But that really shouldn't bother me because I both want this blog to be noticed and not noticed.
Much like how I want people to feel about me.
My overlapping narcissistic and introverted feelings have me wanting people to praise me, adore me and also just stay the heck away. But also fawn over me and tell me I'm pretty and talk to me about interesting things and invite me to hang out.


 Wow, this post has so many streams of thoughts. Wow, it took me a while to type the word 'streams' because I kept thinking about Java streams and was confused if this was the correct word to use here.

Also, since I'm in a new place, I have to introduce myself all over again. Which means that people are surprised by my accent and interested about it. WHICH I LOVE. I love all the attention. I feel vain because of this whole situation but I love people being curious about me. I've got to stay grounded and be who I am. I hope I don't let this all get the better of me. To be optimistic, I'm sure I'll be myself and be modest.

The best way I can explain it is:



Okay, that's all for now. I still do hope that people I know haven't found this blog on a stalking adventure. But at the same time, I'd be amused knowing someone was reading my ramblings and appreciated something. Why? (refer aboooove). 

I Graduated!

Hello!

How excited are you? I have to ask because I am very excited. The day I've been waiting for since I was in elementary school. To finally wear the graduation cap and gown and say the words, 'I did it!'.
Well, I was hoping to have been able to graduate high school like that, but not all schools in India have a ceremony like that. I stuck it out for another four years for this (not solely this, :P).
Given, the ceremony was so horrible but I expected nothing less from my college. If they hadn't disappointed us even at the last moment, where they really ever our college?
But it's no problem. I'm fine with it. Just the fact that I no longer have to go to college (for now. Dun dun dun) is enough.

I actually have to start adulting now. How bizarre is that? How am I supposed to that? I still feel like I'm 12. You know what else is funny?
I turned 21 this year. I am legally allowed to do all the things that I don't want to do anyway ( except vote, that's always the plus point).
Who am I kidding? Let's be real here. I have never voted. Yes, you read that right. I have never voted, even though I've been able to vote for a good 3 years now. To be honest, I know zilch about politics. I don't see who I could vote for anyway. If I did actually vote, it would be after listening to my family's opinions of the parties running. Even then, I don't see anyone that I would support a 100% (even 80-90%).

Okay. I'm deviating. I'll get back to the topic.

My phone broke down a couple days before graduation. How is that relevant? I have no selfies when I looked bomb and I don't have any pictures with my friends. All the pictures we got taken are on their phones or with the college photographer. It's been 6 days and I've only gotten 4 pictures so far. My phone still isn't working which is its pros and cons.

Pros:
-I've been using my phone a lot less. (har har har).
-I haven't been able to open social media every 5 minutes.
-I haven't been able to use my phone until it dies.
-I actually put in a little more effort while studying some


Cons:
-No graduation pictures.
-Not able to ask people for graduation pictures.
-If anyone has something important to tell me, they can only contact me on my Facebook and Instagram. But the actual downside is, most people won't even bother and just say "Oh, I couldn't contact you. Your phone isn't working"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've been sick for the last few days. I'm not really able to focus enough on one topic so I'm ending this here. The gist is,
I graduated from college with a Bachelors in Information Technology and I'm freaking thrilled.
YAY.
Alright, bye!

-V

The Last Day

It's been pretty long since I've written anything on here. But I can't postpone writing this post because it's not every day you have your last day of college. YES. You read right. I had my very last day of engineering today. The day that I've been waiting for since I was a freshman.

Firsts and Lasts are pretty important moments in our lives. The first day of college, the first exam,  the first seminar, the first bunk (Totally kidding. Way too many to remember which one was the first) and the first job interview. And the last class, the last exam, the last time eating in the canteen, the last time running after professors,  and the last day of college.

I don't have anything too sentimental to say right now. Let's be honest. College wasn't amazing. Lots of things made me count down the days until I could leave the place. But that's not really important, is it? All that matters is how you choose to finish it. And let me tell you, we went out with a bang!
The day started off with the project Viva and it went as every viva has gone before. All of us waiting for the first groups to give us the report on the external examiner and classify him as either devil incarnate or 'phew liteee'. Getting the signatures on our custom-made t-shirts was, as expected, a never-ending process. My favorite moments where when someone would hand their t-shirt to someone to sign and they would ask their friends what on earth to write. That low-key panic was hilarious.
I wasn't 'flat out BFFs' with anyone but I'm glad it ended on good terms with everyone.

The memories we made today are the moments we'll remember decades from now. Thank you for being altogether tolerable classmates. I'm sorry that I didn't get a chance to know some of you. But just because college is over doesn't mean we have to forget everyone. Keep in touch. Even if you feel like you didn't know me that well! I'd love to know what you all end up doing and how you are in the years to come. I hope we have a reunion someday and at least one of you is rich and famous. xD

Some day we'll be old and tired of things we can't even imagine yet. But we'll have our t-shirts to remember that we were cool once upon a time (Because let's be honest, I don't see any of you as cool oldies... Kidding!... We'll see.)

To those leaving for Masters: Well, looks like you can't really give up this education thing. I get it, you love exams. You get to graduate twice so, I guess that's a win. Good luck with your new journey! If you're part of the 'Shit, I have to leave home and live all by myself' squad, I wish you the very best! Stay safe and have fun.

To those who are going to work: Looks like we're in the same boat. We'll definitely be comparing our workplaces soon. The lecturers/ Viva examiners will be replaced by managers and bosses. The marks with literal-actual-money(!). At least we don't have to wear uniforms anymore.

To everyone else: If you're preparing for other entrance exams: Hope you do well! If you are so done with this IT field: I'm sure you'll be great at whatever it is that you want to do.  To those who aren't sure: Follow your dreams and do what you love! (Great advice, I know)


It seems like ages ago that we sat in class and were actually students. We've all grown up and are about to enter into the real world. I guess we'll all find out what being engineers really means. This ought to be interesting.


I hope I'll see you guys at our convocation ceremony!


P.S.- If I wrote basic shit like 'Have a Great Life' or just signed my name on your t-shirt, let me just say: You're all awesome and today was the absolute best! I'm happy we were all together for the last day of our senior year!

Also, this will be super awkward if there's some bizarre exam we all casually forgot about and end up going back to college.

Sorry for the mess of a post this is. I'm still in the 'what-the-heck-is-actually-happening-right-now' stage.

Where Are My Words?

Words word words.
Words on paper. Words in my mind.
Tears in my eyes, salt on my cheeks. Same thing?
Fear of the future. Fear of impending doom.
Fear of never being good enough to do any good.

Everyone Most people think I can write well. But the backspace on my keyboard knows better. Every syllable spit out gets chewed back up and tossed in the bin.
I thought I had a lot to say. I was sure that Harry Styles' new song would definitely be enough to get the creative juices flowing. You don't need to cringe and roll your eyes at that name. He's just someone that used to be in a boy band. [It's not like you would scoff at Justin Timberlake, right? He was in a boy band too. Anyway, that's beside the point. Let me get back on track. But before I do. This song is incredible. I didn't even know it was his song until a couple of minutes ago.]


It's been so long that I let myself write that I've forgotten how to. What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do? The words are slipping between my fingers. This is terrifying. The words are all I have. They were my advantage. They were my assurance that I could do something moderately well in this world. What now? All I'm left with are questions and fears.


Do you know that saying? Jack of all trades, master of none. That kind of makes me sad because I'm neither of those things. Everything I've ever started my life, I haven't completed. Everything I've done sounds like a story that I've made up. My life is an  infinite 'I used to'.
I used to play the piano. I used to play volleyball. I used to play the bells. I used to play the flute. I used to play tennis. I used to play lacrosse. I used to sew. I used to dance. I used to write.

Once upon a time, I did try. I looked forward to school. I loved learning. In middle school, I would do my homework as soon as I came home and go for a bicycle ride afterwards and then TV/ internet, before bed. I strictly enforced 'first work, then play'. Now all I do is play. I can't even do that right because I'll be thinking about the absence of work preceding and succeeding the play.
All hours of every day, I'm a silent sulking mess who's disappointed in myself for not doing anything but too lazy to do anything about it.

How do people pick one moment to be absolutely inspired and change their entire life? These inspiring tales and To-do lists are so short-lived.
1. Clean your room.
2. Exercise
3. Eat healthier
4. Study for that exam
5. Learn something new
6. Write hundreds of lists about doing things but never do any of them and hate yourself. Resolve to change TODAY, RIGHT NOW, There's no looking back. You can do this.

..........
1. Do something. Please.





What's the permanent solution to not take life for granted and stop being useless?

Irrelevant

Have you ever noticed my URL?

'absolutely average teenager'.
I thought it was a good description of my self. I thought of it when I started this blog in 2013. I was a teenager and I thought I was an average human being.

Well, I'm not a teenager anymore. So that URL is pretty irrelevant. It's actually a year too false. Which I think is bizarre.
I turn 21 this year. WHAT?!

I always say this, "I'll finally be the age to legally be able to do all the things I don't want to do anyway."

*Except vote. I still like being able to vote. 

This is also the year I graduate from college. Wow. I'm finally here. After all these years, I'll finally be done with this level of education. I don't really feel that old. I still feel like a teenager. 

Since we're at it, I'll just give you some life updates. I'm taking driving lessons again (for real this time), I've finally started listening to audiobooks, I wrote a book review after a long time......I've painted my nails orange.

Clearly, I don't have any life updates. xD

I'm done. Bye.

-V

What Next?

I've been wanting write this post for a while now. But I just haven't got around to it. Until now.

I saw this Telugu movie a week back called 'Nenu Local'. There was this one song that starts playing after the MC announces that he's finally passed his bachelor's course and everyone starts asking 'What next?'. He's upset because, nowadays, instead of congratulating people on graduating, they start asking what they plan to do next.
I found this absolutely hilarious because I've faced a variation of this for the last year or so.

So it's common knowledge that I moved from the U.S.A an odd 6 years ago. I'm almost done with my Bachelors and am hoping to start working sometime at the end of this year. 
People have been shocked at this. 'Why would you not want to go back to America?'
'You don't want to do M.S. in U.S.?'  

I'd decided; with the help of my family, that going for further studies right now isn't the right thing for ME. I want to work for a while and get an understanding of the IT industry, get some hands-on experience, experience the work environment, learn new things, etc. 
When I explained this to people about 2 years ago, they'd still think it was strange that I wasn't leaving to the U.S. 
As we got into our final year of B.Tech, more people started understanding what I meant. They thought it made sense.
I'd say that after a year or so of working, maybe I'd go do my Masters then. People were very accepting of this plan. 

That's alright up to there.
But the thing is, do you really know what you'll be doing 3 years from now. Can you tell me for sure that is definitely where you're going to be and that is precisely what you'll be doing ? 
If not for some bizarre situation where every single thing in your life happens exactly the way you think it well, I'm pretty sure that you can't even imagine what will happen. 

Life is sometimes unpredictable. So don't be so be caught up in the future and rigidly fix yourself to things. 
I hope this is coming across the way I mean it.
I'm not saying goals are stupid. Ambitions and hopes are awesome! Always have a plan. But don't assume that the plan will always go through perfectly, without a hitch. 

I like to let life take me on my great adventure. I'm not going to sit here and say, I'll only work for 365 days and afterwards I'll be off to do this and that. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. And I'm perfectly fine with that. 
I'm willing to just be caught in the current and see what happens. 

So I say, I'll probably work for a while and then do my masters afterwards. 'Probably?'
Yes, probably. Who know what'll happen? Maybe I'll write a novel. Maybe I'll tour the world. Maybe I'll be a blogger. Hahahha. Maybe I don't know and I don't mind. 


Someone will probably ask me "What next?". I will smile and say the same thing I always say. I hope they understand that everything isn't in stone.
I mean, just imagine how funny it'd be if they turned up years later, saying. "I thought you said you'd work 365 days. But you worked for 370 days."
[Not literally so foolishly, but you get the gist.]

The AC/DC Phase

Hello!

It's been quite a while since I've been on here.

Who would have thought I'd have my AC/DC phase after my teenage years?!

I've loved the Supernatural soundtrack since I started watching it in high school. A week back, I started watching it again so I just decided to find the entire soundtrack. Hard rock, heavy metal, blues rock, etc. weren't genres I listened to too often, back then . One of my friends back in high school loved everything metal. I was more into pop, pop rock, EDM, etc.
Nowadays, I'm not really feeling any of the music I've been listening to. I wanted something with sick beats and lyrics.  AC/DC is perfect for me right now. Highway to Hell and Back in Black are songs that I'm familiar with but I don't think I've appreciated them before now.

On another note, I still love Supernatural. I missed Sam and Dean killing things.

ALSOOO, I've just realized that my willingness to write a post today was because I finally started studying after a month (or so) and my default setting is to procrastinate.
Well, then next time I want to get to writing, I'll just do something I'll definitely procrastinate on.

Byeeeee!


-V

These Words

I've never felt that these words were mine.
People plague my mind.
Past, present, future. They all keep me up at night.
Two sides of this figurative coin-
I need balance.
Yearning for meaningful conversations is trapped in my chest.
There are some things better left unsaid.
This conversation will never happen.

The night does things to my mind that daylight never could.
Sometimes you won't be able to see into the crevices of your mind.
The night brings awake the words in my head and gives me the courage to put them on paper.

The shadowed dancer in a dark room. The conflicted woman typing away on her phone in the dark.
One and the same.

The words are muddled as always. But revisions always bleed the thoughts out of their rawness. So I'll leave it be.

Now the words don't seem like anyone's.

On My Mind

Tuck that strand behind my ear. Oh no, pull it back out. Cover the cheekbones. Turn this way, the left is your good side. Smile. Oh! But not with your teeth. Never with the teeth.

"Why do you smile? It's not like you have a nice smile. You have a bad smile. you should stop."

Sit straight. Don't slump. Oh, keep your backbone straight. Tuck that fly away hair. Don't crinkle your eyes, it's strange. Oh no, you laughed too hard. Sit perfectly still and cringe. Glance at your phone. That was so funny! Oh no, you're laughing with your teeth. Close your mouth! 

Sit straighter, this dress pulls tightly at the tummy!

"Oh. You got fat again. You should lose weight."

Oh nobody cares. Just be yourself. But not too much! That was really funny. You made eye contact and smiled. That was so weird. They probably don't even know you heard them. Turn around!

Oh the teacher wants you to read something out for the class. Oh no. Try to dilute the accent. Don't be too loud. Speak slowly! Ok you're done. Sit down quickly and put your head down.

"American girl. You have such a weird accent. What are you even saying? How long did you live there again?"

There's so much to do. So much to learn. These people are all so talented. They're amazing. What does that mean? What would an interview be like? Oh! Write that down. You should look it up later. What will you do with your life? Oh dear.

"Oh, you are so lucky! Your future is clear. You have it so easy."

STOP. I got a little sidetracked towards the end there so I'll stop here. I want to talk to you guys about a couple of things.

1. You don't know everything there is to know about everyone. We see what we see. Before you pass judgement, try to think about it for a couple more seconds. I don't care if that if the person got fatter or slimmer. I don't care if the bauble on their flats doesn't go with their outfit. I don't care if they wore bright colors. I don't care if they wore a eskimo suit when it's sweltering.
YOU DON'T KNOW. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES. Why do we notice so many irrelevant details? What does it matter if they wore yellow jeans? They can wear the frickin' rainbow if they want to.

2. Also, words are powerful tools. Don't use your words to hurt people. You can either do good or bad in this life. Choose your way. I promise you, making that person smile will make you feel so much better than knowing you're the reason their smile disappeared.

3. The grass is always greener on the other side isn't it?
When you see someone and think, 'Damn! Their life is perfect', I can tell you that 99% of the time, it isn't so. Everyone has a different puzzle. To someone outside the game, it looks so easy but you're not the player! Stop being so caught up in other people's lives and solve your own puzzle.
That girl has porcelain skin and that guy has the best scores. That girl can solve almost any problem and he has a rich vocabulary.
There's probably someone out there thinking about you like this.

Reflection

The house of mirrors.
You don't have to go to the circus to see the house of mirrors.
The faces in this place seem to change without any fault of the mirrors.

I bring my face close and take a deep breath. These eyes always look different.
Sometimes it's nice to look into them. Other times, I'd rather look away.
But in this house of mirrors, there's no escaping from yourself.

Even as I sit here, I cannot escape my reflection. What do I see?
I see a tired girl with watery eyes and enough on her mind to write deep into the night. Music fuels her fingers. Thoughts jump onto the screen.
She's sneaking glances as if to make sure that she's still there.

These mirrors always say something new.

Oh, how foolish was I?
These mirrors haven't done anything at all. They've always been there. The mind is playing tricks on us.
On reflection, I see that this reflection is simply a reflection of my mind.

If I broke all the mirrors, would my mind be at rest?


No.

The Final Lap

Hello Everyone!

I was just about to go to sleep but decided at the last moment to blog a little, first.
So tomorrow's a big day. It's the first day of my senior year in college. Exactly one year from now, I'll be done with my undergrad course.

It's crazy how fast I'm growing up. I desperately want to hit the pause button but also want to see what life has in store for me.
It's exciting and terrifying.

...
I went for my passport re-issue appointment today. It was the first time I'd been by myself to do something that important. I think I handled it pretty well. :)

Then on the way back home, my Mom took me to my old high school to ask about some certificates. It has been almost 2 years since I've been in that area. The school feels like a new place to me. I met lots of my old teachers and juniors.

These little tiny kids that used to run after me calling me didi/sister/akka, are now taller than me. It was very surprising so these boys (and some girls) towering towering over me.

Some girls were walking past, saying, 'Hey! That's the old blue house captain'. It felt really great that these kids remembered me.

I just realized that I was at my high school today and tomorrow I'll be starting my final year of B.Tech.
Life is crazy.


Well, tomorrow's going to be a long day, since I have a lab bright and early. So I'll catch some shut eye now.

Hope you are all doing well.
Good night!

-V

Agent Carter: Best of Season 1&2

This was originally going to be a gif set of some of my favorite Agent Carter moments from seasons 1 and 2. But as luck would have it, I've just found out that the show was cancelled in May.
This is shocking. I have seen worse shows renewed but I really didn't expect this would be cancelled.
So this just an ode to Agent Carter. It's in no specific order.

SPOILERS AHEAD. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
 
Dottie was wonderful!


Anna's reaction to this was perfect.  


Haha. Loved this part.





 That fedora!


Howard Stark is one of my faves.


Loveee.


THIS ONE.


Anna!


Wish they'd shown more of her past.


:(


Don't we all?




 Damnn.




OTP. OTP. OTP.


JARVIS
-----
















Hayley Atwell hinted at a possible comeback, someday. But I don't have high hopes at this point. Hope they renew this show some today. It's one of my favorites right now. I mean, I watched some episodes of Season 2 with my Grandmother and even she loved it.

MARVEL Binge: Part 2

Hi!

Here's the MARVEL Binge Part Two. Since my first post, I've finished both seasons of Agent Carter, an Agent Carter one shot and Iron Man (2008).

So, there has been a change of plans. I was originally going to follow the CNET MCU Viewing Guide. But I realized they didn't include all the releases because it's a pretty old list. So I'm following a new one. It's the latest I could find.
HERE

DISCLAIMER: SPOILERS AHEAD!
 



Agent Carter (Season 1 and 2)

 This is my second go at Season 1. The first time around, I watched around 7 of the 8 episodes.
Season 1 of Agent Carter was amazing. It had the perfect amount of drama and action. I love Peggy Carter, she is a great role model. Even for the 21st century, she's badass. Jarvis is one of my favorites!
Marvel One-Shot: Agent Carter- I didn't know this existed until I found my new viewing guide on comicvine. So this is placed a little differently than the suggested order. ( Though, you can do without ever watching this because it's not canon. It deviates from the show's storyline.)

Season 2 wasn't as great as I thought it would be. I was having a fit seeing Carter struggle with deciding between Dr. Wilkes and Agent Sousa.
Luckily, my OTP is canon now! I was so happy.

It was nice to see Michael Chad Murray back on T.V. He was great in One Tree Hill back in the day. Even though he really got on my nerves, I feel bad for him. He redeemed himself towards the end of season 2 but the finale didn't look so good for him.

Iron Man (2008)




Again, it's been way too long since I've watched the entire movie. I noticed so many things I missed the first time around. Seeing Agent Coulson is always great. I love Pepper Potts.
Tony Stark is as lovable as always. That dry sense of humor always gets me.
It was nice to go from watching Agent Carter to Iron Man. I like that I've got to know Howard Stark before Tony now.

I'm devastated that Jarvis' voice isn't the same one as the one in Agent Carter. But it was to be expected.
The movie was as great as I remember.








The list:
1. Agent Carter Season 1
2. Marvel One-Shot: Agent Carter 
3. Agent Carter Season 2
4. Iron Man (2008)




Psyched to continue this MCU binge!

The MARVEL Viewing Guide: Part 1

Hello!

It's been awfully long. I hope you are all doing well. I haven't been up to much in my life. Just finished my Junior year of college last month. I'm really nervous about starting my senior year.
Well, let's not go on about this. I'll get down to  business.

MARVEL. This cinematic universe is taking off. So many people are a part of this fandom now. It's really great to see so many new movies and TV shows coming out.
A while back, I came across this 'MARVEL Viewing Guide'. It details the preferred order in which the movies and TV shows should be watched.
I've been putting off seeing so many of the releases because I'm a bit of control freak when it comes to things like this. I absolutely must watch it in the order it's meant to be watched!

Without further ado!
Today, I set up about conquering this guide from the very beginning. So here I am, several hours later.

1. Captain America: The First Avenger

Oh, I remember the very first time I watched this in 2011. It was a CAM video and it was absolutely horrible quality. But I really wanted to watch this movie. I loved it!
Five years later, here I am. Still loved the movie, laughed at all the same jokes, appreciated all the easter eggs and noticed so many details I missed the first time.
Cap' was great. Agent Carter! ;)

One of my favorite scenes. (Limiting myself to only one because, otherwise, I would flood this post with pictures): 

Okay, I can't help myself! Here's another one.

2. Agent Carter

I actually started watching this show soon after it started in 2015. I didn't know it existed for the first couple of months it aired. It somehow passed under my radar. One day, I caught sight of Carter sporting her signature red fedora and aiming a gun at someone, looking badass (Yes, the poster you see to the left is the one I'm talking of).
I rushed to watch the trailer and I was intrigued. I watched a couple of episodes but then life took a hold of me and I forgot about it.
Today, I started Agent Carter again. I've just watched Season 1 Episode 1 and it was great. I still remember most of the story-line. It's nice to have an immediate continuation from
The First Avenger so the story is still fresh in my mind.

One of my favorite scenes. (Must. post. only. one.)

So that's all for today. It is indeed a school  college night.

ALSO:
I really don't like the title of this post. It's way too long. I'll probably be naming all future posts
related to this as something much simpler and shorter.
Perhaps, MARVEL Binge: Part n



If any of you are interested in the Viewing Guide, here it is (click to enlarge):

Surprise! A little something else.

Futile Compliments

Compliments are great. I love complimenting people and receiving them as well. I love watching the smile I get to bring to their faces. But sometimes, people have very.. different intentions.
I'm not exactly talking about flirting.

A while back, this one boy kept trying to become friends with me. He would always text me and drop a couple of compliments here and there.
I usually have a terrible time remembering things but something he said has still stuck with me.
He said, 'If I would have spoken to someone in this manner, they would have been flattered long back'.

I've told this boy multiple times that I wasn't interested. But he has trouble understanding that. I'm not sure why.

It amazes me that even after watching so many things go wrong in the world, people my age have trouble understanding the meaning of no.
It doesn't matter if you're asking a girl out or asking for her number.
You know what?
It doesn't matter WHO it is. Boy or girl.
When someone tells you no, they mean no!

I'm not playing hard to get. I'm not playing games. No always means one thing. NO!

----
Also another thing.
If you want to be someone's friend, just let it happen. Talk to them about things you have in common. Approach them if they seem like they want to be approached.

When someone is pushing you away, don't assault them. With words or actions.

----
Flattery will get you absolutely nowhere with me if you don't have good intentions.

You can try to appeal to my vanity but the results will be different from what you expect.

Vulnerable

My thoughts and feelings bared to you.
Vulnerable, for you to poke around in my unfiltered words. Dissect them if you wish. Cut through the paper and try to read in between the lines. You think you've made sense of it all. You think you've caught me at my weakest.

No no no, my dear. You have caught me at my strongest. My words are my weapons. My words are my armor.  You haven't found a secret buried deep. It's always been here, out in the open.
You have a weapon of your own. Always showing off your three-edged sword.
I don't think you understand how to use your weapon of choice. I'd explain it all to you but Straczynski puts it simply.
"Understanding is a three edged sword: your side, their side and the truth."

My words could be interpreted in a thousand ways. Your understanding hints at only one. The truth is always here for whoever wants it.

You must be curious about my so-called weapons? What could possibly be better than yours?
Have a little imagination!
Could it be Excalibur?    Now you're wondering how on Earth I managed to pull the sword from its stone.
Could it be Ivlivs?  Now you're wondering why Jason would entrust me with his sword.
Could it be Riptide?    Now you're wondering if Percy lost Anaklusmos. But is that even possible?
Could it be Needle?     Now you're wondering if Arya left it for me.

Or maybe you don't now Arthur, Merlin, Jason, Percy, Hercules or Arya. You might not know about my countless other friends.

You can't steal someone's imagination. That's insane. You merely use theirs to fuel yours.

~

There's nothing weak about vulnerability anyway. It's pure, raw power.

"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they are never weakness"                                                                                          -Brené Brown

"There is strength in vulnerability and exposing your scars to the world."
                                                                                                           -Unknown

-V
Fare Thee Well.


*Muddled thoughts. Midnight rambling*

Red Balloon

I'm the poet who's begging you to not read in between the lines.
A silent prayer stitched into the paper.
These words are like a shallow pool.
There is nothing more than meets the eye.
I'm just the girl with a red balloon,
tied around my finger and a pocket full of thumbtacks.
The color doesn't represent my emotions.
If I let it go, I won't have it anymore.
If I pop it, I'll have a reminder of it.
My dilemma isn't symbolism of an inner conflict.

There lives in my head,
a world where a red balloon is just that.
A world where the words inside my head
aren't afraid to make it onto paper.
Where my voice doesn't waver when someone
asks what I plan on doing with that balloon.
Some whispers are louder than screams.

The thread around my finger
tied a little too tight.
My grip on this balloon
a little too much.

There are poets out there,
with beautiful minds, beautiful souls.
But here I am.
I'm just a girl with a red balloon.





-V

It's a School Night!

It's 12:15 A.M. and I just finished watching the first episode of "Red Band Society".

If you're asking what that is. Just stop yourself right there. GO WATCH THE TRAILER.

So, how was it?

HOLY FREAKING GOODNESS GRACIOUS. WHY HAVEN'T I HEARD ABOUT THIS BEFORE? WHY DID'NT MY SISTER TELL ME HOW AWESOME THE SHOW SEEMED WHEN SHE WATCHED THE TRAILER LAST YEAR?
2014???? WHAAAAAT.
Hm. At least I don't have to wait for episodes to come out.

This show is going to ruin my life. I know it. I'm sure of it.
While I was about half way through... okay fine, 10 minutes into the episode, I started downloading the torrents for the next couple of episodes. (Because I must)

Usually, episode downloads take a couple of minutes to finish. But my FUP limit is up and it's painstakingly slow.
So I decided to blog about this show that will soon destroy my life and my sleep.

I'm also yelling at myself internally that IT'S A SCHOOL COLLEGE NIGHT! I have a lab that I'm dreading tomorrow and I haven't even begun on the observation for it.
I'll definitely be vomiting rainbows and beaming sunshine tomorrow, so be sure to not get on my bad side. 

.................
What the heck. 22% is finished and it'll take another 1 hour to finish???!?
HELL NO.

Good night. 

Peace out.


P.S. --- Ooh. Also, it's February.
Also, why is everyone freaking out about Valentine's Day? It seems so far away to me.


 Update:  2/2/16
*****I found out last night that this show has been cancelled. So that sucks.****** 

WHO ARE YOU GUYS?

What the heck is happening?

My blog traffic has skyrocketed the past month. Where did all you people come from? I got over 500 views just this month.
HOW? WHAT?
WAAAT?




                                                               This is just today's!!!


Did I participate in some 'share your blog' thing that I have no recollection of?


End of spaz.