Dust

I want to sit still as nature surrounds me, envelops me and takes me with her. I'd like to fall back and lay there in the grass with dew drops tickling my nose. The roots stretch out to me and clasp me to the earth. If I lay here, will you remember to visit me again? As I fade into the ground and seep into the earth. Remember me as you walk through this path and try to understand how breathless I was looking at this beauty. Remember that I am now a part of it. I can feel myself turning into dust. Nothing hurts and everything lay still. I'll remember the day I left the one I love behind, so keep me forever in your thoughts and always believe.

Brought to you by: "Into Dust" by Mazzy Star

A writing exercise for writeworld.tumblr.com

Rise Against

Shut up. Who cares what you have to think? I don't want to be here and I don't need to. Leave me alone and let me be. No one's going to recognize this face after today. Don't act like I matter to you when I'm just an excuse for leaving it all behind. I don't want to be left behind anymore. It's my turn. It's my turn to leave you behind. I'm finally ready to grow up. I'm not a child and there's nothing worth left staying for. Broken things can be brought back together but they'll always be rough around the edges. Like I am. I'm past my breaking point and here's the point of no return. Goodbye


Brought to you by: "I Don't Want to Be Here Anymore" by Rise Against
A writing exercise for writeworld.tumblr.com

Buried Deep

I didn't know where I was going and I honestly didn't care. None of it matters. Nothing ever does. I want to keep walking until something actually does matter. A reason, a purpose. I have nothing. I'm a parasite living off of the people around me. I crave for their support and depend on them for everything. Maybe if I'm all alone I'll learn to fend for myself. How could anyone be like me? Is it evenly humanly possible to be so useless?
Imagine the world is at your hands and you sit back staring at it like it's not even there. As if someone is going to do all the work for you and put the result in your hands. That isn't going to happen and I know it too. That's the worst part. Knowing and still not doing anything.
I'm an ignorant person and I don't  use opportunities. Pretty soon they'll run out and I'll just be lying face down in the snow. Buried in my failures and what-ifs.

I am sick and tired of myself. No one's going to tell me right from wrong pretty soon.

I know I can dig myself out of this trench but I keep thinking I don't know how to use this shovel lying next to me.

The Truth About Engineering Colleges

Let me just start out by saying, It's okay. I understand. I've been there at one time or another.
I'd like you to remember your 10th grade when everyone said "Study hard till boards and then you can do whatever you want". And pretty soon after, 11-12th grades, "It's just two more years, after that you'll be in college. It'll be a walk in the park. Trust me!"
Then you join college.
Everyone: Well, just four more years of your life. Oh and by the way, these four years decide your life so don't screw it up. Okay have fun!

1. Ragging:
When you were in high school it seemed like you were king of the world as a senior. You were at the top. Oh wait, don't think too soon, here comes college. Boom. Sorry, you're a freshman again in this strange new place.
Here's the truth. You will get ragged. The only way that isn't happening is if you are literally invisible. Everyone has gone through it, so you must. It's like your birth right. 
"You shall be officially knighted as a college student only after being ragged at least once."
The recitation of the bio data is your initialization into this community. These seniors have bottled up every emotion they've felt from when they've been ragged by their respective seniors so the only way to let it go is by continuing the cycle. The most common ways of torture, er I mean "interaction"; you've got to stick to the code word, are bio data, enacting scenarios, singing, dancing, etc.

2. Confession Pages
As if the confession pages in high school weren't enough. All the same drama, sometimes even more so. There will always be those people confessing their love for that "supar cute boi" that is "so sweeeet nd innocent". These people always take the love at first sight thing way too seriously.
Here are some examples: (The grammar is scringe-worthy so I'll tone it down a bit)
"When I look at you, my heart beats a lot."
"Tears of happiness roll out my eyes, I feel your presence where you first stood in front of me"
"She/He is amazing. I fell at the first look"
"My princess, my queen. You're voice, hair, foot, laugh, smile"  ( Might have been over-exaggerating about the foot)
"HEZZ MY HERO!"
"(random section) is the best one. So kewl"
"Nobody likes you (random person)"

There are people talking about failing, fests, family problems and the most random bits of information that make absolutely no sense. You've got it all.

3. Records, Assignments and Seminars

Records: They sucked in high school and they still do. There's a lot to write and most of it isn't even important. 
Lecturer:
So you've pulled an all-nighter writing 60 pages of your record? Cool, I'll just skip to the last page and sign it because it is too tiring to look at every page that you've painstakingly written. Sorry, not sorry.

Assignments: They expect you to carefully read the questions, find the answers and study them. What do we do? 
"Hey smart person, did you do the assignment? Cool, gimme" This is how an engineering student gets things done. Go with the flow yo. 

Seminars: Ooh. That word sounds all formal and important. You'll be asked so many questions and must be absolutely clear about the topic at hand. Right? Wrong. Nobody cares what you've got to say. They just want you to get it over with. 

4. Lecturers
They're nice, they're mean. Some are terribly unqualified while others sound like they're speaking gibberish. These people literally have your life in the palm of their hands. Is the teacher a reputed faculty member that the higher officials have a soft spot for? Have you pissed them off? Well, I hope you're okay with writing the supplementary exam.
Well for the sake of the nice ones, there are plenty of kind teachers. They always counter the sarcastic witty stuff we throw their way without getting angry. But then there are some people.
They think they rule this place and will make your life a living hell if you make the wrong move. They have their own personal minefield for students where they make your grades go booom.

5. Other Freshman

These poor suckers are going through the same stuff you are so bear with them. If you expect people to respect you and be mature, you are sadly mistaken. I'm not even going to go too into this or I might start listing out examples of types of people and that would make for a very very long list. In short; most of them suck. Have fun making friends! 
Note: There are definitely some lovely people but I say good luck finding them. 

6. Procrastination
Engineering students have mastered the art of procrastination over the years. It seriously is a wonder that there isn't a book written about it. Oh wait, procrastinating! It doesn't matter if it's the records, exams, seminars or supplementaries. We will look for the best time to do it and then not do it. Save for the last minute of course. Sometimes, not even then. Why do something today which you never have to do.

7. Engineering Drawing
Ah drafters. In the first month of college we received a list of stationary necessary for the drawing classes. I bought nearly every single one. And how many of those things did I use? Barely 3 out of 10. Wasting money on stuff I don't need? CHECK. 
If you've gone through the pain of a teacher striking something off on your sheet (that you've spent an hour on) with a pen, then I definitely know the feel. 
I know at least one person who has paid someone to get their drawing charts done outside of college. 

Anagrams

So I anagramed my name to see what would come up

Stage 1:First name and Surname
"Nirvanas Bad Hmm Uh"
"Drab Humans Man Shiv"
"Bah Damn Varnish Rum"
"Brash And Human Vim"
"Barn Had Human Vims"

Stage 2: Middle name and Surname
Mahatma Ah Bird Horn
Hah Barmaid Moth Ran
Badman Hath Armor Hi
Mambo Hath Rad Rhino
Horrid Than Ah Mamba
Barman Had Hair Moth
Bah Madam Hair Thorn
Madman Ah Hair Throb
Madman Ah Hair Broth
Madman Hath Hair Bro
Madman Hath Hair Orb
Aha Bath Harm Nimrod

The Fault In Our Stars

I wish I knew the appropriate words to express exactly how much The Fault In Our Stars has an effect on me. I do not care about how many people criticize this work of pure brilliance. Words swam into my mind and painted beautiful pictures of  an amazing story. There's something about Hazel and Augustus. They are my favorite people. I want to be remembered in this godforsaken world. I need to live for something because life is way to damn precious to waste a second. I don't want to let this go.
Heathcliff and Catherine's love may be like the eternal rocks but that novel never really touched me. But I feel like I've lost Augustus Waters.
The wonderful combination of a couple of words make for the best novels. I've been looking for a "true friend" for a very long time but in this instant, I know there's one thing that I can always count on. I'll always have a book in my hand to keep me company. The made-up characters etched on these plain papers are my friends. I feared of being lost in a world that was make-believe but the truth is, I'm already lost in this terrible world. How lost can a person be? These books are my sanctuary.
I would put up walls and tear them down but now I lay down brick by brick of every sweet ounce of knowledge I get from these wonderful books. And that's all I need.


“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book"- John Green

That's exactly how I feel about TFIOS. 

A Visit To A Government Hospital

As part of my English project, I visited a government hospital last week to understand what it's like and well, just for the experience. I finished the written part of the project sooo here it is. 

There's something awful about the way hospitals smell. It's not just the chemicals and antiseptics. There's this sense of impending doom that hangs in the air. The Osmania General Hospital (OGH) is as malodorous as any other government hospital. It is one of the oldest hospitals in India run by the Government of Andhra Pradesh. It is also a training hospital for housing doctors specializing in medicine, surgery and orthopaedics. The other specializations are located in numerous hospitals around the city which are affiliated to OGH. The hospital has a number of buildings in which different departments and wards are situated. One of the buildings comprises of a blood bank, wards, labs and two separate canteens. The hospital was built in 1925 under the reign of the seventh Nizam. It was constructed during the City Improvement Board and it holds architectural styling designed by Vincent Esch. The canteen, verandahs and huge high-ceiligned halls are filled with people. Most of the walls are covered with missing posters for the patients who were lost in the hospital. It makes you wonder how many of them actually turned up again or if there was a reason for their disappearance. Given it's almost been a century since it's been built it surely is a wonder that the hospital still stands. There have been several attempts by the alumni of the Osmania Medical College to get the state government to upgrade the infrastructure but they have not recieved any confirmation as of now. 

The halls seemed to go on forever and would take an unexpected turn here and there. No matter where you were standing, there'd be at least one patient lying somewhere on the floor.  It's terrible watching someone in pain at an arms length away from you knowing you can't do anything to help them. An old man was lying on the floor of one such corridor with a variety of tubes attached to him and he lay there in the heat with his wife sitting protectively next to him. It's sad that only at moments like this we question ourselves about what we've actually contributed to the society. Should have, would have, could have. 

The patient intake; both inpatient and outpatient, consists of people from either the rural parts of the state or from the slum areas of the city. They can not afford to go to nice, air-conditioned institutions so they have to settle for the hard floor of a government hospital like this one. At times it seemed like everything was in utter disarray but I am in awe at the way the orderlies work around their hectic schedules and still manage to stay on track. Things might not move with clock-wise precision but they have a different type of routine that seems to work for them. Throughout the course of the day, I saw many instances where I thought things would definitely fall apart but were always taken care of. I presume this is what the saying "The only order in the universe is just a cycle of calm and chaos" means. If I had a heightened sense of smell then maybe I would have been able to differentiate between the various odours I came across but I had to settle for classifying them as just another foul odour. But then I decided that maybe it was best I didn't know what the smells were in fear of an involuntary gag reflex. 

One of the first things I saw was a metal trolley being pushed around by two men. They stopped in a ward next to a patient with an amputated leg. I wondered what was inside and they were open to the idea of me having a look inside their cart. Well who wouldn't want to appear inviting to  a stranger walking around with a camera? They lifted each lid on the food cart and I got to see what the patients were being served. There were four chambers in all for dal, sambhar, milk and rice. At the underside of the cart they had bananas and several cartons of eggs; an essential source of nourishment. Soon after that I saw a little boy walking around with a pot filled to the brim with rice with a single banana placed on top. Other than the humans in OHG, certain animals roam the corridors with complete freedom. The little creatures are at home under hospital beds or near the canteen looking for a bite to eat. Cats and dogs are usually seen lounging in one of the wards whereas the occasional monkey is shooed away by the attenders. 

The patient intake into the wards depends on the days of the week, such that each day represents a ward number. On a Tuesday patients would be admitted into Ward II. When I was inside Ward IV, I saw tins filled with lots of capsules. All the wards have free medication and glucose solution in stock for the patients; available to them free of cost. I saw a few of the people sitting on the floor with their plates of food without a worry. 

I learnt that there are certain factors to be considered before being admitted into an Intensive Care Unit or another one. Depending on the levels of severity a patient could be submitted into the Intermediary Emergency Care (IEC) or ICU. There's also a Intensive Coronary Care Unit (ICCU); not to be confused with ICU, which is a ward specialized in the care of patients with heart attacks, cardiac, dsyrhythmia and other cardiac conditions. At the blood bank I was shown the different freezers where the blood is kept. There are a series of processes that are involved in the testing of the blood, each of which has a designated freezer. There were doctors moving around with peculiar looking apparatus in the serology lab. I also learnt that if there is an emergency case and a patient requires blood immediately, it's taken from the blood bank but their share must be returned within the next five days without fail; possibly from one of their family or friends. 

Little kids looked into my camera with eyes full of wonder and adults looked confused and curious. But the ones lying on the beds could  only give me eyes full of sorrow and I could only empathize with them for a few seconds because I couldn't bear to look any longer. I felt like I was snatching away bits of their lives without asking permission when I could not even provide them any solace. There was a story behind every single set of those eyes and they sung out to the heavens about their unfortunate instances. Each of them seemed to be screaming inwardly and could only slump back across their cold beds waiting for what seemed like forever. There were men, women and children but they were mothers, fathers, daughters and sons of someone. They each had a tale but none were whispered in my ear.