These Words

I've never felt that these words were mine.
People plague my mind.
Past, present, future. They all keep me up at night.
Two sides of this figurative coin-
I need balance.
Yearning for meaningful conversations is trapped in my chest.
There are some things better left unsaid.
This conversation will never happen.

The night does things to my mind that daylight never could.
Sometimes you won't be able to see into the crevices of your mind.
The night brings awake the words in my head and gives me the courage to put them on paper.

The shadowed dancer in a dark room. The conflicted woman typing away on her phone in the dark.
One and the same.

The words are muddled as always. But revisions always bleed the thoughts out of their rawness. So I'll leave it be.

Now the words don't seem like anyone's.

On My Mind

Tuck that strand behind my ear. Oh no, pull it back out. Cover the cheekbones. Turn this way, the left is your good side. Smile. Oh! But not with your teeth. Never with the teeth.

"Why do you smile? It's not like you have a nice smile. You have a bad smile. you should stop."

Sit straight. Don't slump. Oh, keep your backbone straight. Tuck that fly away hair. Don't crinkle your eyes, it's strange. Oh no, you laughed too hard. Sit perfectly still and cringe. Glance at your phone. That was so funny! Oh no, you're laughing with your teeth. Close your mouth! 

Sit straighter, this dress pulls tightly at the tummy!

"Oh. You got fat again. You should lose weight."

Oh nobody cares. Just be yourself. But not too much! That was really funny. You made eye contact and smiled. That was so weird. They probably don't even know you heard them. Turn around!

Oh the teacher wants you to read something out for the class. Oh no. Try to dilute the accent. Don't be too loud. Speak slowly! Ok you're done. Sit down quickly and put your head down.

"American girl. You have such a weird accent. What are you even saying? How long did you live there again?"

There's so much to do. So much to learn. These people are all so talented. They're amazing. What does that mean? What would an interview be like? Oh! Write that down. You should look it up later. What will you do with your life? Oh dear.

"Oh, you are so lucky! Your future is clear. You have it so easy."

STOP. I got a little sidetracked towards the end there so I'll stop here. I want to talk to you guys about a couple of things.

1. You don't know everything there is to know about everyone. We see what we see. Before you pass judgement, try to think about it for a couple more seconds. I don't care if that if the person got fatter or slimmer. I don't care if the bauble on their flats doesn't go with their outfit. I don't care if they wore bright colors. I don't care if they wore a eskimo suit when it's sweltering.
YOU DON'T KNOW. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES. Why do we notice so many irrelevant details? What does it matter if they wore yellow jeans? They can wear the frickin' rainbow if they want to.

2. Also, words are powerful tools. Don't use your words to hurt people. You can either do good or bad in this life. Choose your way. I promise you, making that person smile will make you feel so much better than knowing you're the reason their smile disappeared.

3. The grass is always greener on the other side isn't it?
When you see someone and think, 'Damn! Their life is perfect', I can tell you that 99% of the time, it isn't so. Everyone has a different puzzle. To someone outside the game, it looks so easy but you're not the player! Stop being so caught up in other people's lives and solve your own puzzle.
That girl has porcelain skin and that guy has the best scores. That girl can solve almost any problem and he has a rich vocabulary.
There's probably someone out there thinking about you like this.

Reflection

The house of mirrors.
You don't have to go to the circus to see the house of mirrors.
The faces in this place seem to change without any fault of the mirrors.

I bring my face close and take a deep breath. These eyes always look different.
Sometimes it's nice to look into them. Other times, I'd rather look away.
But in this house of mirrors, there's no escaping from yourself.

Even as I sit here, I cannot escape my reflection. What do I see?
I see a tired girl with watery eyes and enough on her mind to write deep into the night. Music fuels her fingers. Thoughts jump onto the screen.
She's sneaking glances as if to make sure that she's still there.

These mirrors always say something new.

Oh, how foolish was I?
These mirrors haven't done anything at all. They've always been there. The mind is playing tricks on us.
On reflection, I see that this reflection is simply a reflection of my mind.

If I broke all the mirrors, would my mind be at rest?


No.

The Final Lap

Hello Everyone!

I was just about to go to sleep but decided at the last moment to blog a little, first.
So tomorrow's a big day. It's the first day of my senior year in college. Exactly one year from now, I'll be done with my undergrad course.

It's crazy how fast I'm growing up. I desperately want to hit the pause button but also want to see what life has in store for me.
It's exciting and terrifying.

...
I went for my passport re-issue appointment today. It was the first time I'd been by myself to do something that important. I think I handled it pretty well. :)

Then on the way back home, my Mom took me to my old high school to ask about some certificates. It has been almost 2 years since I've been in that area. The school feels like a new place to me. I met lots of my old teachers and juniors.

These little tiny kids that used to run after me calling me didi/sister/akka, are now taller than me. It was very surprising so these boys (and some girls) towering towering over me.

Some girls were walking past, saying, 'Hey! That's the old blue house captain'. It felt really great that these kids remembered me.

I just realized that I was at my high school today and tomorrow I'll be starting my final year of B.Tech.
Life is crazy.


Well, tomorrow's going to be a long day, since I have a lab bright and early. So I'll catch some shut eye now.

Hope you are all doing well.
Good night!

-V

Agent Carter: Best of Season 1&2

This was originally going to be a gif set of some of my favorite Agent Carter moments from seasons 1 and 2. But as luck would have it, I've just found out that the show was cancelled in May.
This is shocking. I have seen worse shows renewed but I really didn't expect this would be cancelled.
So this just an ode to Agent Carter. It's in no specific order.

SPOILERS AHEAD. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
 
Dottie was wonderful!


Anna's reaction to this was perfect.  


Haha. Loved this part.





 That fedora!


Howard Stark is one of my faves.


Loveee.


THIS ONE.


Anna!


Wish they'd shown more of her past.


:(


Don't we all?




 Damnn.




OTP. OTP. OTP.


JARVIS
-----
















Hayley Atwell hinted at a possible comeback, someday. But I don't have high hopes at this point. Hope they renew this show some today. It's one of my favorites right now. I mean, I watched some episodes of Season 2 with my Grandmother and even she loved it.

MARVEL Binge: Part 2

Hi!

Here's the MARVEL Binge Part Two. Since my first post, I've finished both seasons of Agent Carter, an Agent Carter one shot and Iron Man (2008).

So, there has been a change of plans. I was originally going to follow the CNET MCU Viewing Guide. But I realized they didn't include all the releases because it's a pretty old list. So I'm following a new one. It's the latest I could find.
HERE

DISCLAIMER: SPOILERS AHEAD!
 



Agent Carter (Season 1 and 2)

 This is my second go at Season 1. The first time around, I watched around 7 of the 8 episodes.
Season 1 of Agent Carter was amazing. It had the perfect amount of drama and action. I love Peggy Carter, she is a great role model. Even for the 21st century, she's badass. Jarvis is one of my favorites!
Marvel One-Shot: Agent Carter- I didn't know this existed until I found my new viewing guide on comicvine. So this is placed a little differently than the suggested order. ( Though, you can do without ever watching this because it's not canon. It deviates from the show's storyline.)

Season 2 wasn't as great as I thought it would be. I was having a fit seeing Carter struggle with deciding between Dr. Wilkes and Agent Sousa.
Luckily, my OTP is canon now! I was so happy.

It was nice to see Michael Chad Murray back on T.V. He was great in One Tree Hill back in the day. Even though he really got on my nerves, I feel bad for him. He redeemed himself towards the end of season 2 but the finale didn't look so good for him.

Iron Man (2008)




Again, it's been way too long since I've watched the entire movie. I noticed so many things I missed the first time around. Seeing Agent Coulson is always great. I love Pepper Potts.
Tony Stark is as lovable as always. That dry sense of humor always gets me.
It was nice to go from watching Agent Carter to Iron Man. I like that I've got to know Howard Stark before Tony now.

I'm devastated that Jarvis' voice isn't the same one as the one in Agent Carter. But it was to be expected.
The movie was as great as I remember.








The list:
1. Agent Carter Season 1
2. Marvel One-Shot: Agent Carter 
3. Agent Carter Season 2
4. Iron Man (2008)




Psyched to continue this MCU binge!

The MARVEL Viewing Guide: Part 1

Hello!

It's been awfully long. I hope you are all doing well. I haven't been up to much in my life. Just finished my Junior year of college last month. I'm really nervous about starting my senior year.
Well, let's not go on about this. I'll get down to  business.

MARVEL. This cinematic universe is taking off. So many people are a part of this fandom now. It's really great to see so many new movies and TV shows coming out.
A while back, I came across this 'MARVEL Viewing Guide'. It details the preferred order in which the movies and TV shows should be watched.
I've been putting off seeing so many of the releases because I'm a bit of control freak when it comes to things like this. I absolutely must watch it in the order it's meant to be watched!

Without further ado!
Today, I set up about conquering this guide from the very beginning. So here I am, several hours later.

1. Captain America: The First Avenger

Oh, I remember the very first time I watched this in 2011. It was a CAM video and it was absolutely horrible quality. But I really wanted to watch this movie. I loved it!
Five years later, here I am. Still loved the movie, laughed at all the same jokes, appreciated all the easter eggs and noticed so many details I missed the first time.
Cap' was great. Agent Carter! ;)

One of my favorite scenes. (Limiting myself to only one because, otherwise, I would flood this post with pictures): 

Okay, I can't help myself! Here's another one.

2. Agent Carter

I actually started watching this show soon after it started in 2015. I didn't know it existed for the first couple of months it aired. It somehow passed under my radar. One day, I caught sight of Carter sporting her signature red fedora and aiming a gun at someone, looking badass (Yes, the poster you see to the left is the one I'm talking of).
I rushed to watch the trailer and I was intrigued. I watched a couple of episodes but then life took a hold of me and I forgot about it.
Today, I started Agent Carter again. I've just watched Season 1 Episode 1 and it was great. I still remember most of the story-line. It's nice to have an immediate continuation from
The First Avenger so the story is still fresh in my mind.

One of my favorite scenes. (Must. post. only. one.)

So that's all for today. It is indeed a school  college night.

ALSO:
I really don't like the title of this post. It's way too long. I'll probably be naming all future posts
related to this as something much simpler and shorter.
Perhaps, MARVEL Binge: Part n



If any of you are interested in the Viewing Guide, here it is (click to enlarge):

Surprise! A little something else.