Futile Compliments

Compliments are great. I love complimenting people and receiving them as well. I love watching the smile I get to bring to their faces. But sometimes, people have very.. different intentions.
I'm not exactly talking about flirting.

A while back, this one boy kept trying to become friends with me. He would always text me and drop a couple of compliments here and there.
I usually have a terrible time remembering things but something he said has still stuck with me.
He said, 'If I would have spoken to someone in this manner, they would have been flattered long back'.

I've told this boy multiple times that I wasn't interested. But he has trouble understanding that. I'm not sure why.

It amazes me that even after watching so many things go wrong in the world, people my age have trouble understanding the meaning of no.
It doesn't matter if you're asking a girl out or asking for her number.
You know what?
It doesn't matter WHO it is. Boy or girl.
When someone tells you no, they mean no!

I'm not playing hard to get. I'm not playing games. No always means one thing. NO!

----
Also another thing.
If you want to be someone's friend, just let it happen. Talk to them about things you have in common. Approach them if they seem like they want to be approached.

When someone is pushing you away, don't assault them. With words or actions.

----
Flattery will get you absolutely nowhere with me if you don't have good intentions.

You can try to appeal to my vanity but the results will be different from what you expect.

Vulnerable

My thoughts and feelings bared to you.
Vulnerable, for you to poke around in my unfiltered words. Dissect them if you wish. Cut through the paper and try to read in between the lines. You think you've made sense of it all. You think you've caught me at my weakest.

No no no, my dear. You have caught me at my strongest. My words are my weapons. My words are my armor.  You haven't found a secret buried deep. It's always been here, out in the open.
You have a weapon of your own. Always showing off your three-edged sword.
I don't think you understand how to use your weapon of choice. I'd explain it all to you but Straczynski puts it simply.
"Understanding is a three edged sword: your side, their side and the truth."

My words could be interpreted in a thousand ways. Your understanding hints at only one. The truth is always here for whoever wants it.

You must be curious about my so-called weapons? What could possibly be better than yours?
Have a little imagination!
Could it be Excalibur?    Now you're wondering how on Earth I managed to pull the sword from its stone.
Could it be Ivlivs?  Now you're wondering why Jason would entrust me with his sword.
Could it be Riptide?    Now you're wondering if Percy lost Anaklusmos. But is that even possible?
Could it be Needle?     Now you're wondering if Arya left it for me.

Or maybe you don't now Arthur, Merlin, Jason, Percy, Hercules or Arya. You might not know about my countless other friends.

You can't steal someone's imagination. That's insane. You merely use theirs to fuel yours.

~

There's nothing weak about vulnerability anyway. It's pure, raw power.

"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they are never weakness"                                                                                          -Brené Brown

"There is strength in vulnerability and exposing your scars to the world."
                                                                                                           -Unknown

-V
Fare Thee Well.


*Muddled thoughts. Midnight rambling*

Red Balloon

I'm the poet who's begging you to not read in between the lines.
A silent prayer stitched into the paper.
These words are like a shallow pool.
There is nothing more than meets the eye.
I'm just the girl with a red balloon,
tied around my finger and a pocket full of thumbtacks.
The color doesn't represent my emotions.
If I let it go, I won't have it anymore.
If I pop it, I'll have a reminder of it.
My dilemma isn't symbolism of an inner conflict.

There lives in my head,
a world where a red balloon is just that.
A world where the words inside my head
aren't afraid to make it onto paper.
Where my voice doesn't waver when someone
asks what I plan on doing with that balloon.
Some whispers are louder than screams.

The thread around my finger
tied a little too tight.
My grip on this balloon
a little too much.

There are poets out there,
with beautiful minds, beautiful souls.
But here I am.
I'm just a girl with a red balloon.





-V

It's a School Night!

It's 12:15 A.M. and I just finished watching the first episode of "Red Band Society".

If you're asking what that is. Just stop yourself right there. GO WATCH THE TRAILER.

So, how was it?

HOLY FREAKING GOODNESS GRACIOUS. WHY HAVEN'T I HEARD ABOUT THIS BEFORE? WHY DID'NT MY SISTER TELL ME HOW AWESOME THE SHOW SEEMED WHEN SHE WATCHED THE TRAILER LAST YEAR?
2014???? WHAAAAAT.
Hm. At least I don't have to wait for episodes to come out.

This show is going to ruin my life. I know it. I'm sure of it.
While I was about half way through... okay fine, 10 minutes into the episode, I started downloading the torrents for the next couple of episodes. (Because I must)

Usually, episode downloads take a couple of minutes to finish. But my FUP limit is up and it's painstakingly slow.
So I decided to blog about this show that will soon destroy my life and my sleep.

I'm also yelling at myself internally that IT'S A SCHOOL COLLEGE NIGHT! I have a lab that I'm dreading tomorrow and I haven't even begun on the observation for it.
I'll definitely be vomiting rainbows and beaming sunshine tomorrow, so be sure to not get on my bad side. 

.................
What the heck. 22% is finished and it'll take another 1 hour to finish???!?
HELL NO.

Good night. 

Peace out.


P.S. --- Ooh. Also, it's February.
Also, why is everyone freaking out about Valentine's Day? It seems so far away to me.


 Update:  2/2/16
*****I found out last night that this show has been cancelled. So that sucks.****** 

WHO ARE YOU GUYS?

What the heck is happening?

My blog traffic has skyrocketed the past month. Where did all you people come from? I got over 500 views just this month.
HOW? WHAT?
WAAAT?




                                                               This is just today's!!!


Did I participate in some 'share your blog' thing that I have no recollection of?


End of spaz. 

A Small Victory

It's 2:20 A.M.
After a very, very long time, I feel happy with myself.

The music soothing my ears does a fine job of soothing my mind. "It's been a long day" plays as soon as I make this small victory.
Hell, it's been a really long day, Charlie Puth.

Today has been just another day of spiraling  in the sinking realization that I have no idea what I'm doing with my life and my skill-set is non-existent.
I was dragging myself around, trying to stay positive. But today, as I was looking for potential internship chances on Google, I felt dejected. I possess not one skill that they're asking for. The only thing I have is communication skills but that isn't going to get me far. I NEED to be smart.
Then, I tried to look for apprenticeships and that was another pothole.
I felt like a lost cause.
I mechanically came home, moved around and took to music to ease my mind. Tears running down my face, my mind running a thousand directions. I had no idea what to do.

My brother sent me some tutorials to learn Android Studio last month. I couldn't understand much of it. Then I tried another 20 videos on YouTube. Nothing made sense to me.
Side Note: My Dad is one of the most hard-working people I know. He's always teaching himself something. He has this drive to be the best he can be.
All of the people around me have this drive or this ability to push themselves.
I've always been a coward. I don't push myself. I limit myself and wallow in my self-created chaos.

Today, I put my foot down. (Weakly, but put down nonetheless)
I searched "Android Studio Tutorials" in Google for the nth time and dispiritedly looked for a miracle.
After around 8 videos, I finally found something that I could understand.

Well, I've just created my first android application. It's a simple one, so don't get too excited. It has only function. But it DOES SOMETHING!

Before I started today, I told myself. 'You need to finish what you started! ' It's 2:36 and I think I've done pretty well.


Good Night!


P.S.- If you're thinking something along the lines of 'Omg, at least you created that. I don't even know how to do that', then please don't.
There's this saying that I'm always throwing around in my head.
"Nobody wants to hear about the story of rags to riches, until its over".
Similarly, let me finish this thing I've just started before you bombard me.

Apart from that, if you guys ever need any help, just ask me. I'll always be willing to help to the best of my ability.


Charlie Pluth

A Letter

I opened my blog, set on writing something today. I feel gloomy and quite literally searched the 'melancholy' tag on 8tracks. At the moment I'm listening to a mix called 'The Devil's Waltz'. At a loss for words, I opened my Gmail and started deleting spam when I nearly deleted one surprising e-mail.

In 2014, I found this website called futureme.org which lets you send your future self a letter. I wrote myself a letter on November 28th, 2014.
Here are some snippets.

Dear FutureMe,

I've put the delivery date so far into the future that you'll forget about this by then.
Tomorrow I have my C.O. and MFCS exam for the second mid, of sophomore year, 1st semester. I know you know what I'm going to say next. That I haven't studied anything and it all sucks. So yeah, all of that. So how are you?
You'll be a junior by now, right? Wow, that seems awesome. I wish I could time travel to that point right now. Then I would have one less year to worry about. Anyways, just two more years for you now! AWESOME!

So I wanted to tell you something very important.
It's all going to be okay. You have the most wonderful family and are surrounded by safe(ish) people. You should have faith in yourself, okay? I got selected as the Head of Content Writing for TCC last month, which was awesome. :)
I hope you've done something good with that opportunity.

Stop treating yourself so badly. Love yourself first before looking to others.

So be happy, stay safe, study well and don't give up on yourself!

BYE!
-18 year old me

Damn. I'll be 20 in a couple of months and I'll be graduating college in a year. I'm equal parts terrified and excited to see what life has in store for me. 

I'll probably send myself another letter but I'll shoot it a little farther into the future. If you're still reading this then, it'll be fun.  :)


P.S. Do check out the website futureme.org and read some of the public letters. They're all anonymous but I just read some wonderful letters that are very heartening.