Irrelevant

Have you ever noticed my URL?

'absolutely average teenager'.
I thought it was a good description of my self. I thought of it when I started this blog in 2013. I was a teenager and I thought I was an average human being.

Well, I'm not a teenager anymore. So that URL is pretty irrelevant. It's actually a year too false. Which I think is bizarre.
I turn 21 this year. WHAT?!

I always say this, "I'll finally be the age to legally be able to do all the things I don't want to do anyway."

*Except vote. I still like being able to vote. 

This is also the year I graduate from college. Wow. I'm finally here. After all these years, I'll finally be done with this level of education. I don't really feel that old. I still feel like a teenager. 

Since we're at it, I'll just give you some life updates. I'm taking driving lessons again (for real this time), I've finally started listening to audiobooks, I wrote a book review after a long time......I've painted my nails orange.

Clearly, I don't have any life updates. xD

I'm done. Bye.

-V

What Next?

I've been wanting write this post for a while now. But I just haven't got around to it. Until now.

I saw this Telugu movie a week back called 'Nenu Local'. There was this one song that starts playing after the MC announces that he's finally passed his bachelor's course and everyone starts asking 'What next?'. He's upset because, nowadays, instead of congratulating people on graduating, they start asking what they plan to do next.
I found this absolutely hilarious because I've faced a variation of this for the last year or so.

So it's common knowledge that I moved from the U.S.A an odd 6 years ago. I'm almost done with my Bachelors and am hoping to start working sometime at the end of this year. 
People have been shocked at this. 'Why would you not want to go back to America?'
'You don't want to do M.S. in U.S.?'  

I'd decided; with the help of my family, that going for further studies right now isn't the right thing for ME. I want to work for a while and get an understanding of the IT industry, get some hands-on experience, experience the work environment, learn new things, etc. 
When I explained this to people about 2 years ago, they'd still think it was strange that I wasn't leaving to the U.S. 
As we got into our final year of B.Tech, more people started understanding what I meant. They thought it made sense.
I'd say that after a year or so of working, maybe I'd go do my Masters then. People were very accepting of this plan. 

That's alright up to there.
But the thing is, do you really know what you'll be doing 3 years from now. Can you tell me for sure that is definitely where you're going to be and that is precisely what you'll be doing ? 
If not for some bizarre situation where every single thing in your life happens exactly the way you think it well, I'm pretty sure that you can't even imagine what will happen. 

Life is sometimes unpredictable. So don't be so be caught up in the future and rigidly fix yourself to things. 
I hope this is coming across the way I mean it.
I'm not saying goals are stupid. Ambitions and hopes are awesome! Always have a plan. But don't assume that the plan will always go through perfectly, without a hitch. 

I like to let life take me on my great adventure. I'm not going to sit here and say, I'll only work for 365 days and afterwards I'll be off to do this and that. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. And I'm perfectly fine with that. 
I'm willing to just be caught in the current and see what happens. 

So I say, I'll probably work for a while and then do my masters afterwards. 'Probably?'
Yes, probably. Who know what'll happen? Maybe I'll write a novel. Maybe I'll tour the world. Maybe I'll be a blogger. Hahahha. Maybe I don't know and I don't mind. 


Someone will probably ask me "What next?". I will smile and say the same thing I always say. I hope they understand that everything isn't in stone.
I mean, just imagine how funny it'd be if they turned up years later, saying. "I thought you said you'd work 365 days. But you worked for 370 days."
[Not literally so foolishly, but you get the gist.]

The AC/DC Phase

Hello!

It's been quite a while since I've been on here.

Who would have thought I'd have my AC/DC phase after my teenage years?!

I've loved the Supernatural soundtrack since I started watching it in high school. A week back, I started watching it again so I just decided to find the entire soundtrack. Hard rock, heavy metal, blues rock, etc. weren't genres I listened to too often, back then . One of my friends back in high school loved everything metal. I was more into pop, pop rock, EDM, etc.
Nowadays, I'm not really feeling any of the music I've been listening to. I wanted something with sick beats and lyrics.  AC/DC is perfect for me right now. Highway to Hell and Back in Black are songs that I'm familiar with but I don't think I've appreciated them before now.

On another note, I still love Supernatural. I missed Sam and Dean killing things.

ALSOOO, I've just realized that my willingness to write a post today was because I finally started studying after a month (or so) and my default setting is to procrastinate.
Well, then next time I want to get to writing, I'll just do something I'll definitely procrastinate on.

Byeeeee!


-V

These Words

I've never felt that these words were mine.
People plague my mind.
Past, present, future. They all keep me up at night.
Two sides of this figurative coin-
I need balance.
Yearning for meaningful conversations is trapped in my chest.
There are some things better left unsaid.
This conversation will never happen.

The night does things to my mind that daylight never could.
Sometimes you won't be able to see into the crevices of your mind.
The night brings awake the words in my head and gives me the courage to put them on paper.

The shadowed dancer in a dark room. The conflicted woman typing away on her phone in the dark.
One and the same.

The words are muddled as always. But revisions always bleed the thoughts out of their rawness. So I'll leave it be.

Now the words don't seem like anyone's.

On My Mind

Tuck that strand behind my ear. Oh no, pull it back out. Cover the cheekbones. Turn this way, the left is your good side. Smile. Oh! But not with your teeth. Never with the teeth.

"Why do you smile? It's not like you have a nice smile. You have a bad smile. you should stop."

Sit straight. Don't slump. Oh, keep your backbone straight. Tuck that fly away hair. Don't crinkle your eyes, it's strange. Oh no, you laughed too hard. Sit perfectly still and cringe. Glance at your phone. That was so funny! Oh no, you're laughing with your teeth. Close your mouth! 

Sit straighter, this dress pulls tightly at the tummy!

"Oh. You got fat again. You should lose weight."

Oh nobody cares. Just be yourself. But not too much! That was really funny. You made eye contact and smiled. That was so weird. They probably don't even know you heard them. Turn around!

Oh the teacher wants you to read something out for the class. Oh no. Try to dilute the accent. Don't be too loud. Speak slowly! Ok you're done. Sit down quickly and put your head down.

"American girl. You have such a weird accent. What are you even saying? How long did you live there again?"

There's so much to do. So much to learn. These people are all so talented. They're amazing. What does that mean? What would an interview be like? Oh! Write that down. You should look it up later. What will you do with your life? Oh dear.

"Oh, you are so lucky! Your future is clear. You have it so easy."

STOP. I got a little sidetracked towards the end there so I'll stop here. I want to talk to you guys about a couple of things.

1. You don't know everything there is to know about everyone. We see what we see. Before you pass judgement, try to think about it for a couple more seconds. I don't care if that if the person got fatter or slimmer. I don't care if the bauble on their flats doesn't go with their outfit. I don't care if they wore bright colors. I don't care if they wore a eskimo suit when it's sweltering.
YOU DON'T KNOW. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES. Why do we notice so many irrelevant details? What does it matter if they wore yellow jeans? They can wear the frickin' rainbow if they want to.

2. Also, words are powerful tools. Don't use your words to hurt people. You can either do good or bad in this life. Choose your way. I promise you, making that person smile will make you feel so much better than knowing you're the reason their smile disappeared.

3. The grass is always greener on the other side isn't it?
When you see someone and think, 'Damn! Their life is perfect', I can tell you that 99% of the time, it isn't so. Everyone has a different puzzle. To someone outside the game, it looks so easy but you're not the player! Stop being so caught up in other people's lives and solve your own puzzle.
That girl has porcelain skin and that guy has the best scores. That girl can solve almost any problem and he has a rich vocabulary.
There's probably someone out there thinking about you like this.

Reflection

The house of mirrors.
You don't have to go to the circus to see the house of mirrors.
The faces in this place seem to change without any fault of the mirrors.

I bring my face close and take a deep breath. These eyes always look different.
Sometimes it's nice to look into them. Other times, I'd rather look away.
But in this house of mirrors, there's no escaping from yourself.

Even as I sit here, I cannot escape my reflection. What do I see?
I see a tired girl with watery eyes and enough on her mind to write deep into the night. Music fuels her fingers. Thoughts jump onto the screen.
She's sneaking glances as if to make sure that she's still there.

These mirrors always say something new.

Oh, how foolish was I?
These mirrors haven't done anything at all. They've always been there. The mind is playing tricks on us.
On reflection, I see that this reflection is simply a reflection of my mind.

If I broke all the mirrors, would my mind be at rest?


No.

The Final Lap

Hello Everyone!

I was just about to go to sleep but decided at the last moment to blog a little, first.
So tomorrow's a big day. It's the first day of my senior year in college. Exactly one year from now, I'll be done with my undergrad course.

It's crazy how fast I'm growing up. I desperately want to hit the pause button but also want to see what life has in store for me.
It's exciting and terrifying.

...
I went for my passport re-issue appointment today. It was the first time I'd been by myself to do something that important. I think I handled it pretty well. :)

Then on the way back home, my Mom took me to my old high school to ask about some certificates. It has been almost 2 years since I've been in that area. The school feels like a new place to me. I met lots of my old teachers and juniors.

These little tiny kids that used to run after me calling me didi/sister/akka, are now taller than me. It was very surprising so these boys (and some girls) towering towering over me.

Some girls were walking past, saying, 'Hey! That's the old blue house captain'. It felt really great that these kids remembered me.

I just realized that I was at my high school today and tomorrow I'll be starting my final year of B.Tech.
Life is crazy.


Well, tomorrow's going to be a long day, since I have a lab bright and early. So I'll catch some shut eye now.

Hope you are all doing well.
Good night!

-V