From the early over-exaggerated age of 7, I hoped that I would grow up to be an author. I'd never been so sure of anything else. Writing made me happy and that's all that mattered. From that point onward every word I've vomited onto a paper had been harshly scrutinized by myself and I've never gotten anywhere with writing. I studied for eight years in a western country; U.S.A.
I left to the states at an age of five and went through elementary school and middle school. Ever since high school (when I returned) people have had this impression that since I have an American accent and can utter a few words in English without making a fool of myself that I'm versed in all things relating to the English language. I used to think it was an advantage that I had and that I didn't have to work too hard in English class. I neglected my learning process because I was so sure that I was so much more advanced. But as I took a back seat everyone else ran so far, so fast. Now I'm in college, my vocabulary is no longer my strong suit, I can barely manage a few blog posts without deleting everything I've typed. I falter with my speech and MTI is the worst thing ever. I'm just some dumb girl who lived a few years abroad, I'm no better than all of you. My best asset is turning into a liability. I'm nothing without my words and I fear for the day I'm left with nothing. I clutch onto these books and build a sanctuary for myself with them. I'd rather be a loner working at improving myself than be part of a society or community where I have nothing to contribute.
This girl is an absolutely average teenager trying to break through the illusionary boundaries she's set up for herself so stop putting her on pedestal and let her pave her way to that foggy self-fulfilling paradise she searches for.
We've all got to find our own way, so leave me be.
I left to the states at an age of five and went through elementary school and middle school. Ever since high school (when I returned) people have had this impression that since I have an American accent and can utter a few words in English without making a fool of myself that I'm versed in all things relating to the English language. I used to think it was an advantage that I had and that I didn't have to work too hard in English class. I neglected my learning process because I was so sure that I was so much more advanced. But as I took a back seat everyone else ran so far, so fast. Now I'm in college, my vocabulary is no longer my strong suit, I can barely manage a few blog posts without deleting everything I've typed. I falter with my speech and MTI is the worst thing ever. I'm just some dumb girl who lived a few years abroad, I'm no better than all of you. My best asset is turning into a liability. I'm nothing without my words and I fear for the day I'm left with nothing. I clutch onto these books and build a sanctuary for myself with them. I'd rather be a loner working at improving myself than be part of a society or community where I have nothing to contribute.
This girl is an absolutely average teenager trying to break through the illusionary boundaries she's set up for herself so stop putting her on pedestal and let her pave her way to that foggy self-fulfilling paradise she searches for.
We've all got to find our own way, so leave me be.
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