Indo-American Teenager

From the early over-exaggerated age of 7, I hoped that I would grow up to be an author. I'd never been so sure of anything else. Writing made me happy and that's all that mattered. From that point onward every word I've vomited onto a paper had been harshly scrutinized by myself and I've never gotten anywhere with writing. I studied for eight years in a western country; U.S.A. 
I left to the states at an age of five and went through elementary school and middle school. Ever since high school (when I returned) people have had this impression that since I have an American accent and can utter a few words in English without making a fool of myself that I'm versed in all things relating to the English language. I used to think it was an advantage that I had and that I didn't have to work too hard in English class. I neglected my learning process because I was so sure that I was so much more advanced. But as I took a back seat everyone else ran so far, so fast. Now I'm in college, my vocabulary is no longer my strong suit, I can barely manage a few blog posts without deleting everything I've typed. I falter with my speech and MTI is the worst thing ever. I'm just some dumb girl who lived a few years abroad, I'm no better than all of you. My best asset is turning into a liability. I'm nothing without my words and I fear for the day I'm left with nothing. I clutch onto these books and build a sanctuary for myself with them. I'd rather be a loner working at improving myself than be part of a society or community where I have nothing to contribute. 

This girl is an absolutely average teenager trying to break through the illusionary boundaries she's set up for herself so stop putting her on pedestal and let her pave her way to that foggy self-fulfilling paradise she searches for. 
We've all got to find our own way, so leave me be. 

Who am I?

Life, the universe and everything else. The supposed ultimate question asked by everyone that ever was anyone. But that's not my question because I sure am not "everybody". I'm just me. Which also happens to be what I want to find out about. I don't care about the universe and everything that has ever been, is and will be. I just want to know the simplest most complicated question that I can think of without getting distracted for the billionth time. Who am I?
Yes, I know I'm a girl, that I have a fickle-minded nature and that I find it extremely difficult to think about one thing consistently and long enough to make a fixation on that single thing without wondering why squirrels like acorns or what Francis Bacon has anything to do with Agrajag and his gargoyles. It's truly a wonder why Mrs. A is so pessimistic about this world and all its inhabitants that I think it'd be better off if she was picked up by the impropability drive and turned into a bowl of petunias. I think it'd be suitable considering her strange fascination with her 'lovely' face.

But really. Who am I? What is my function in this program? Do I have a purpose to fulfill or am I just a delusional mattress who doesn't have a proper identity flopping about the marshes in a wasteland on a planet so secluded that a robot who turned up one fateful day would rather kill itself rather than associate itself with me. Is that what it'll come down to? Or am I muddling up the story? Was that the way it went?
Maybe I'm not a mattress. Maybe I'm  a bug on this checkered picnic cloth laid down by some harmless foodie who just wants to enjoy a nice PB&J sandwich without an insect strutting about acting like that it matters more.

I have started to consider that maybe Mrs. A was right about our limited abilities of understanding ourselves. Or maybe it's just me. I don't even know the path I'm walking down. Last week it was a wonder which way was down and now I've this delusional idea that maybe there is no down. Maybe we just made up the idea of gravity to keep ourselves connected to something or other to keep from floating of into a better world up in the clouds. But what if we let ourselves go once in a while. Then maybe I'd understand my limitations and find how flexible I could actually be. What if I'm a fish trying to ride a bicycle? What if I'm not and I just keep thinking that I am and just end up locking my potential away even though I could be the best fish cyclist. 

I think there's more to this than just the four walls surrounding me. I'd like to break the boundaries of illusion and discover the true nature of my existence. Even though it's quite clear that there's a fifth wall which is a ceiling; technically not a wall. Either way, I need to find a meaning for my existence and find a way to float above the clouds and feel the tug of the rope tied around my waist reminding me where I've come from and where I should be, not where I want to be. Maybe someday those two will be synonymous. Then I can float on back down. I'd walk across the solid ground with my head held high, aware of a world above and the world below it; accepting that they are in fact one and the same. That I never needed to be afraid of the worlds above the clouds as long as I had something to keep me grounded. 

Character & Choice

I heard the most beautiful saying today from the most unlikely people. "Words become thoughts, thoughts become actions, actions become character and character? Character becomes destiny."
Of late, I've come to realize just how important one's character is. You can lose anything in life and still get through but if you lose your character, you'll have to go to hell and back to get it.
The materialistic parts of my life have long since overcome the important things in my life, leaving me in shackles in a cold, dark room. But I finally see a speckle of light shining through the cracks in the walls. Each ray of sunshine gives me strength, gives me hope that someday I'll get out of here. I've taken them for granted for so long that I barely know the meaning of family anymore. But I will find a way to get out of this rut because I'm starting to believe. How foolish was I, to make deals with the devil. 

Now I'm slowly climbing up my ladder of success, a path straightened out but still having its little bumps and crooks. Some of them straighten out from time to time or just revert back, all depending on the choices I make. We make our own destiny; with the approval of a mightier force of course.   

"As the different streams having their sources in different places all mingle their water in the sea. So, O Lord, the different paths, which men take through different tendencies, various though they appear, crooked or straight, all lead to Thee."

The Moto G

This review is long overdue but has to be done. HAS TO. 



           

It's been quite a long time since the word Motorola sparked anything but disinterest. But now it's made a comeback. With the release of the Moto G towards the beginning of 2014, consumers have purchased more and more pieces of the model. Pretty soon the sales skyrocketed. But it seems to be a pretty shifty marketing strategy by launching their Moto X shortly after their instantaneous success. It seems like a shot in the dark and as far as I can tell, it doesn't have the craze that the previous model did; at least definitely not for the previously targeted consumer types. 

Coming to the Moto G. It seems to be on of the best budget-phones in the market right now with it's eye-catching specs:

• Display size: 4.5”
• Snapdragon 400 processor quad ARM A7
• Resolution: 1280×720
• Pixel density: 326
• 8GB or 16GB of storage, Micro-SD: No
• OS: Android 4.3
• Battery mAh: 2070
• Removable Battery: No
• Camera (main): 5 Megapixel
• Thickness: 0.46”
• Weight: 5.04oz
• $179/ Rs. 12,500

Okay this isn't some all out techy review because let's be honest, I know nothing about this stuff. Like what the hell is a Snapdragon processor?! (too tired to google it so leave me be!) So this is just a unfairly-opinionated-incredibly-ignorant-teenage girl's review. 

It's a 4.4.2 Kit-Kat for god's sake. The phone has a very sleek design that fits very well in the palm of your hand. Even though it's a mid-range android phone it has a brilliant LCD display with good contrast levels. The resolution of the screen is 1280x720 with a 326 DPI pixel density striking a nice balance. 

I didn't have high expectations regarding the photo quality but it was still a bit disappointing to see that both the front and rear-end cameras didn't perform well. It suits basic needs as long as you don't plan on printing the images or looking at them in high-resolution.
The built-in internal memory without a slot for an external one isn't ideal but manageable. If you have a micro USB to USB adapter it makes the whole process that much easier because then you could just plug in your Pen drive and use that as a temporary external drive. This is cringe-worthy.

Overall the Moto G is the best budget phones right now with scratch resistant corning, water-repellent coating, quad-core and dual-sim options.

I'm definitely enjoying it! 

Music To My Ears

Lips still, eyes lazily looking about, eager for something interesting to gaze upon, hands curiously fidgeting about. Her fingers search for something inside the purple bag sitting on her lap. I lean sideways to try to make out what it is. It was a pair of white earphones. She plugs them into her bright red phone and fiddles with the wires before setting it back down.

You see me for what you want me to be, simple and inconspicuous; silent and unnerving.  But you’ve barely grazed the surface. As the music booms into my ears, tiny sparks set off inside me. My mind creaks and slowly wakes like a lazy old dragon.  I’m transported to another world, my own, where I can be whoever I want to be, wherever I choose to be.  You sneak looks to see the slightest of what appears to be a smile but it’s gone in the next moment, no trace of joy. My eyes appear dull but the sights that I see behind them would envelop yours in fire.  I feel alive, I feel unstoppable. I’m a phoenix that bursts into flames from fear of the ordinary but I live and die a thousand deaths yearning for a miracle. For something, for anything! 

Tidbit

Today I got a free cookie 'cause the lady at the grocery store thought I was crippled.
-_-
And it begins.

Accident-prone

Sometime around March last year I got in an accident which involved a car, my scootie and me flying through the air. The accident didn't end well for me or my ride.
Well on Sunday I was driving my Mom to the temple and was taking a u-turn at one point. The road was terrible and my scooter skid on the dirt. I didn't have to enough time to recover and balance the weight so we fell down. My Mom somehow made it out without a single scratch but I however, did not. The scooter fell onto my right ankle and I couldn't move it. Pain, ooh, aah, yada yada.
         

***

So after two injections and a wheel chair ride through frighteningly blue corridors, I was on my way back home with a soft tissue injury in my foot. I was ecstatic about the fact it wasn't a fracture again. 

Now I'm at home. Bed rest by doctor's instructions. *sigh* I have exams starting day after and technically, they don't end until the end of February. Yay and stuff. -_- 

So kids, drive safe. Don't do stupid shit. Stay in school and don't do drugs!

Peacekies.

-V