Saturday, September 14, 2013

Skinny People

Really annoyed about something. Sooo, rant time!
This is going to be one those really cliché posts but it's alright.
So, Dear skinny people, I envy you. I envy those perfect legs and that flat tummy and everything else 'you got going on'. But guys, there's a limit.
If you're not anorexic, bulimic or have any other eating-disorders or diseases and you still look a frickin' skeleton, you've got no excuse. Like seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?!
Okay, my bewilderment about this is mostly due to the fact that I'm on the chubby side, but we're not talking about me right now.

I just saw this picture of one of my friends in this pretty dress and all I could think was, "I see the dress, but where's her body?!" Her hands look like little sticks messily glued to her body by a six-year old. Her hand and most of her arm-I think, is supposed to be resting on her waist, but it just looks like a misplaced toothpick. There's a difference between a fit body and whatever the hell you are. God help you. My mother literally uses you as a warning for me when I don't eat. "You better eat or you're going to end up looking like *bleep*". Dear bleep, I've seen more meat on a chicken then you.
"I'm trying to gain some weight." BULLSHIT.
Anyway, in the midst of looking up a synonym for bulimia, I came across "you so skinny jokes" and I'd like to share them with you.

  • You so skinny, you strap popsicle sticks to keep from falling down the drain!
  • You so skinny, you have to stand in the same place twice to cast a shadow.
  • You so skinny that people have to save you from drowning by tossing you a cheerio.
  • You so skinny when you turn sideways, you disappear.
  • You so skinny if you drank through a straw you'd fall into it.
  • You so skinny that even Barbie's clothes wouldn't fit you
  • You so skinny, you can dodge raindrops.
  • You so skinny, I could blind-fold you with dental floss.

DISCLAIMER: I do not mean to offend anyone by this post. If you're skinny and proud of it, good for you babe! Props to you! 
At first, I thought the skinny jokes seemed a bit harsh. They still do and I hope no one takes it to heart. Just take it lightly.

Dear Bleep, I could never imagine you reading this but if you do someday:
I don't know if people tell you this often but you seriously need to put on some weight. No, don't listen to those guys telling you that you shouldn't. I'm considering your health, 'cause I don't want you to like die of malnutrition or something. So put down the stupid vitamins and eat some real food. If you hate me by now, too bad. Buh-bye.

P.S.-I've said this already but I just wanted to say it again. I am in no way targeting specific people. Everyone has their imperfections. :)


*Nom Nom Nom*
                             
                        

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