To tell the truth, I'm not really a people person. Well, not as much as I used to be. I used to text, chat and talk to people all day. But nowadays, I'm just completely detached from everything. I have at least 30 unread messages on facebook and a whole bunch that I have read but chose to ignore. I know it's not polite but I don't want to talk to people.
I remember how this started out. At some point, I did have a reason for being distant. (Something I'd rather not get into). But as time progressed, I guess I just got used to not talking to anyone.
Up until high school, I've been the quiet, laid back type of girl. I didn't talk too much but I had enough friends. I'd listen to all that they had to say and in turn I would share things with them. But I was never attached to them. There were instances where two groups of friends would fight but I never chose a side. I chose to maintain a good rep with all of them. I used to be described as quiet. My daily routine would involve: waking up very early, getting ready, eating breakfast, going to school before everyone (even the teachers on some days). I'd walk into my class room, turn all the lights on and just wander through the school. All by myself, I'd walk through the hallways aimlessly. The teacher would come in a while later with sleepy eyes, surprised to see me in so early. I was the nerdy type of girl that paid attention in all the classes and actually liked going to school. It's not like I was getting straight A's or anything but I did get through. *90's in Social tho. Just sayin'*
Anyway. When I got to high school; I moved to India, I completely changed. I don't know why or how. Suddenly, I was this loud, bubbly, friendly girl who'd talk to everyone. People liked to be around me (at least that's what I thought) and I was always happy. At the same time, I'd grown to be incredibly sensitive. Or maybe I'd always been sensitive but I'd never realized that because I didn't talk to anyone. I was either crying, smiling or jumping around like a bunny. So for most of 9th and 10th, I was this bubbly person. Towards the beginning of 11th I was the same and towards the end, I was more normal. I began to change because of the unspecified reason towards the end of 12th grade. And I guess there's been no turning back since then. I find it hard to talk to people. (anyone other than my best friends). This triggered a whole bunch of nasty comments from people. One of the texts I got from my friend recently after an uninterested remark from my side: 'You could have said it earlier when you first saw the message. Anyways, a lot is understood from action or behavior. Thank you for answering.'
I don't like being rude but I don't know what to do. I'm usually not so unresponsive.
I wish people understood. It's not that I hate you or something. I just need some time to get out of this rut. I'm sorry.
~
I just responded to one particular message from a friend and I've successfully been able to keep a conversation alive for nearly an hour and I'm very proud of myself. :) Maybe there is still hope for me.
-V
I remember how this started out. At some point, I did have a reason for being distant. (Something I'd rather not get into). But as time progressed, I guess I just got used to not talking to anyone.
Up until high school, I've been the quiet, laid back type of girl. I didn't talk too much but I had enough friends. I'd listen to all that they had to say and in turn I would share things with them. But I was never attached to them. There were instances where two groups of friends would fight but I never chose a side. I chose to maintain a good rep with all of them. I used to be described as quiet. My daily routine would involve: waking up very early, getting ready, eating breakfast, going to school before everyone (even the teachers on some days). I'd walk into my class room, turn all the lights on and just wander through the school. All by myself, I'd walk through the hallways aimlessly. The teacher would come in a while later with sleepy eyes, surprised to see me in so early. I was the nerdy type of girl that paid attention in all the classes and actually liked going to school. It's not like I was getting straight A's or anything but I did get through. *90's in Social tho. Just sayin'*
Anyway. When I got to high school; I moved to India, I completely changed. I don't know why or how. Suddenly, I was this loud, bubbly, friendly girl who'd talk to everyone. People liked to be around me (at least that's what I thought) and I was always happy. At the same time, I'd grown to be incredibly sensitive. Or maybe I'd always been sensitive but I'd never realized that because I didn't talk to anyone. I was either crying, smiling or jumping around like a bunny. So for most of 9th and 10th, I was this bubbly person. Towards the beginning of 11th I was the same and towards the end, I was more normal. I began to change because of the unspecified reason towards the end of 12th grade. And I guess there's been no turning back since then. I find it hard to talk to people. (anyone other than my best friends). This triggered a whole bunch of nasty comments from people. One of the texts I got from my friend recently after an uninterested remark from my side: 'You could have said it earlier when you first saw the message. Anyways, a lot is understood from action or behavior. Thank you for answering.'
I don't like being rude but I don't know what to do. I'm usually not so unresponsive.
I wish people understood. It's not that I hate you or something. I just need some time to get out of this rut. I'm sorry.
~
I just responded to one particular message from a friend and I've successfully been able to keep a conversation alive for nearly an hour and I'm very proud of myself. :) Maybe there is still hope for me.
-V
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